UnpleasantlySexy

Gadget-Man

At work today, I had to go to the bathroom. Number one, if you're curious. Now, the way our bathrooms are set up (after a recent major remodeling, no less) is as such: they removed one of the two stalls to make one HUGE stall, and there's a urinal. Because of the strange layout, the urinal is recessed into a sort of hallway, and it's rather claustrophobic. Aside from that, it makes it impossible to see if anyone is already using the facilities until you've walked up right behind them. It sucks. But I had to go. So I walked in, and inevitably, I turned the corner just as another guy was "finishing up", and it spooked us both. I said, "Pardon me," and quickly stepped aside to let him pass - all the while averting my eyes to the ceiling (to avoid accidental peekage).

Here, please allow me to describe what made me already dislike this dude. First, he was all of 5-foot-six, yet his slacks were severe highwaters. Not only could you see sock, but you could see bare leg when he walked. Seriously, man, stop shopping in the pre-teen aisle. Second, his highly starched button-down shirt was very deliberately and meticulously untucked just enough to form a strange-looking "puff" around his waist. It looked like a mushroom cap. I know he did this on purpose because he arranged it that way as he walked past me. Third, he had a cell phone, a pda, an iPod AND a pager all strapped to his belt in neat little leather cases. It was like the Bat-Belt, only really nerdy. Fourth (and finally), he was wearing DECK SHOES WITH WHITE SOCKS, which were readily apparent, due to the highwatered-ness of his slacks.

Yeah. THAT guy.

As I still had to pee, I entered the corridor and took care of business. While this was happening, Gadget-Man went to wash his hands, and he said aloud, "You think SOME people could f-ing watch where they're walking..."

I couldn't believe it. Was Gadget-Man trying to talk smack, now that I was... uh, indisposed?

I'll never know, because before I could finish, I heard three or four loud *BEEP*s and the door opened and shut. Gadget-Man was gone. I've never seen him before, either - I think he works for another company in our building. And what were those beeps?

I suspect that he scanned my heat signature and heart rate and is now using his belt-based GPS unit and satellite uplink to coordinate a precision laser strike.

I'm a dead man.