UnpleasantlySexy

So...it's been a few days since I last updated the ol' blog, but fear not! The stupidity hasn't faltered.

The OCD guy I work with wore his "nipple shirt" on Monday. And no shoes. High class stuff, let me tell ya. Let me explain the nipple shirt - this spectacular fashion statement is an off-white polo shirt, no less than 15 years old, that has so many holes worn through it in various places that little is left to the imagination. I'm talking serious nipple action. Hot!

Add to the equation the lack of shoes. This is a man who regularly updates the pennies in his loafers to maintain the appropriate level of penny-glint. Yes, he actually puts pennies in there. These shoes, when worn from the house to the workplace (approximately 22 minutes, to hear him tell it), utterly destroy his arches, and he corrects the problem by walking around the room in his socks. Also, the socks have holes, too. Thank God he doesn't have nipples on his feet.

Now, consider this - he has eaten the same meal for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the past seven-and-a-half years - Arby's roast beef. He goes there so often, in fact, that the employees assemble his meal at 11am and leave it out on the counter, where he deposits exact change when he picks up the food. The manager gave him his meal FREE on Valentine's Day. That, in and of itself, is disgusting, but it is not the end of this tale. I am referring to, of course, the Arby's-fueled SBD farts he injects into my cubicle through the wall. They seem to penetrate my cubicle fortress with ease, and when they detonate - no one is left standing.

I call 'em 'bunker-busters'.

Oh, and he has collected over 300 board games. He keeps them (all) in the living room of his apartment, where he plays them, barefoot and farting, with his imaginary friend.

With that in mind, I have a job interview tomorrow! Woo!

There will be more updates shortly, once I collect my thoughts.

Nzia wefwe!