UnpleasantlySexy

Still waiting for my computer...since May 31st...

This is all a bunch of hooey, if you ask me.

I'd like to imagine that my computer was put onto an elaborate conveyor system operated solely by rosy-cheeked chipmunks that sing while they turn dials and push buttons and pull levers. There'd be big exhaust pipes chuffing and steam vents whistling, and everybody would be dancing up and down like a 1920's era cartoon. The whole shebang would also be accompanied by that classic crazy invention music: BUM BUM BUMMM BA DA DA DEE DOOT DA! BA BUM BUM BUMMMM BA DEE DA DEE DOOT DAAA! And at the end, after being smacked a bunch by white-gloved robot arms holding frying pans and hammers, having been flattened between steel rollers and crammed through an old-fashioned meat grinder, my computer would emerge from the other end like new, so clean it shines.

Alas, my poor, poor computadora...

Instead, some guy named...uh...Shannon, whose favorite movie is anything starring Eric Roberts, and who has never washed his left hand since the guy who played Greedo in the first Star Wars shook hands with him so he'd stop his crying at the sci-fi convention seven years ago, is gonna drop a still-slobbery pizza crust into my open computer and seal it up inside, eventually telling me that my computer is not covered under warranty because the flux capacitor has "finally crapped out" on me, and that it happens to everybody.


I hate you, Shannon.



And I want my computer back.






S