UnpleasantlySexy

GRAVY, WEED, AND PAPER STARSHIPS


Well, I'm still feelin' crappy, but I invented a word today, and the world needs to hear about it.

GRAVEABLE

It's actually incredibly versatile. For example:

"My mashed potatoes are too dry, but they're totally graveable."

In fact, the word "gravy" can easily be converted into a verb in just about any gravy-related situation.

"That chicken-fried steak was well-graved."

"Don't bother me right now - I'm graving the turkey."

"Johnny's pot roast was a victim of grave circumstances."


On an unrelated note, I gave my neighbor a set of speakers that I had been storing in the garage for future use (much to Julia's consternation). He offered to repay me with free weed. Only he didn't call it weed. He called it something else entirely...something like "raspberry caraway" or some nonsense. Since I can't recall the actual name, I have decided to call it "boysenberry delight", because it makes me laugh inside every time I say it. Though I don't partake in such activities personally, I would KILL to say "Yo! Roll me a fatty boysenberry delight, homey."

On yet another unrelated note, in an attempt to quell the overwhelming boredom that has struck our mailroom in these last couple of days before I transfer to my new position, I assembled a paper replica of Darth Maul's starship, the Sith Infiltrator. It's made of densely-packed paper, is shaped like an ice-cream-cone, and has two floppy wing-like doohickeys sticking off the sides. Thing is, as stupid as it looks (the stupidity enhanced by the little drawing of Darth Maul in the cockpit), it actually FLIES PERFECTLY. It's pretty dangerous (like most of the best toys), so I have to be careful when I throw it to only hit inanimate objects...like Larry. I hit him right between the shoulder blades with it - it was well-deserved, trust me - and it elicited a small whine, followed by a deluge of paper clips.

AWESOME!

I think that, when I quit this company, I'm a-gonna heave that sucker from the rooftop at our CEO's son's fifty-thousand-dollar BMW. Darth Maul...STRIKE!


Jumanji!


S