Jean-Claude Van Damme.
His name just came up in conversation (don't ask - it involved the film "Timecop"), and it got me thinking...there are not enough circumstances in a day where the ability to do the splits could potentially make the difference between life and death.
For example, my job would be so much cooler if, all of a sudden, masked gunmen burst into the room and began spraying the office with machine-gun fire - and I survived because, in the midst of chaos, I retained the physical ability (and mental faculties necessary for such a situation) to jump up into mid-air splits, wedging myself between the coffee pot and the fridge, thus rendering my would-be killers impotent.
Other than making mopping the kitchen look wicked-awesome, I can't think of any other particularly handy uses for such splits-doing talent, but I'm sure I could figure something out, given enough time.
Or...I could just carry a stupid-looking gun that is larger than my torso.
That is all.
S
As Freud would tell you, that is NOT his gun. I particularly like the fact that he must wear yellow protective plastic lenses when firing that thing.
ReplyDelete-The Mominator
Yeah so, he's not funner then playing XBox football!
ReplyDeleteEven though you beat me. But I almost had you. I knew you was sweating. I should have run that halfback swish or whatever. Damn it.
As we all know, ol' JCVD likes his glasses like he likes his women: all plasticky and see through.
ReplyDeleteWait, maybe he likes his GUNS like he likes his women: black and biggie-sized.
Ew.
Maybe the glasses actually protect the gun from his petrifying stare...hmmm? It freezes bad guys and time-traveling-bikini-clad-beach-babes-from-1985 in their tracks.
I, for one, would hate to be near him when he flexes and tears his shirt apart to reveal his pectoral muscles, which were heavily oiled at some point beforehand, just in case he unexpectedly had to flex and tear his shirt apart to reveal his pectoral muscles.
It happens! It happened mere seconds after the photographer said "Here, JC...why don't you hold this Chevy bumper and pretend that it's a real gun."
Maybe the glasses keep out the pectoral oils...?
And Dad, the football was awesome, but I'm sorta glad you didn't "run that halfback swish" in front of me...you really could have scarred me, you know?
Sure, those linebackers can sashay, but you should see that halfback swish!
S