UnpleasantlySexy

Been awhile, guys...sorry 'bout that.

It's been a crap-tacular week, and I haven't been motivated to do much more than curl up in the fetal position and eat Chips Ahoy.

If you've read any significant portion of my previous blog posts, you might be aware of the fact that my boss rates just above "can of dead crickets" on the Intelligence-O-Meter. That's contributed considerably to the overall miserabilitude of the past week, and I'm this close to smearing White-Out on my face, abandoning my clothes, climbing into a ceiling vent, and going full-on tribal for a few months.

In the period between this post and the last, I've been awarded several disciplinary write-ups (what am I, five?) for extremely questionable reasons (my boss let slip to another employee that she's making an example of me), and I've been dealing with the fallout from that - plus my first dog died (at age 18) Saturday morning - plus some other way more sensitive stuff that can't go here. All in all - stuff far too negative and boring to make for funny bloggin's, so instead, I'm a-gonna tell you about one of the funnier moments of the past week.

Due to all the doody-bidness listed above, I've experienced a near-total meltdown of my brain and brainally-induced functions, and I've been overtaken by a sheer dumb giddiness. I decided that I would send Larry (my buddy in the mailroom) a ton of stupid emails offering him $10 if he would do something stupid to make me laugh. I won't list all of 'em, just the last one - it went something like this:

"Larry, I'll give you ten bucks if you put on a gigantic foam-rubber Pikachu costume and a WWI-era German helmet with a spike on the top, and then run around the office throwing forks at people, screaming 'PIKAAAAAAAA-------CHUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!' whenever you hit someone."

(For those of you that don't know, Pikachu is one of the lovable little battle-creatures from Pokemon - and if you haven't heard of Pokemon, just how long have you been away from Earth?)

At any rate, he said no.

So I decided to draw a picture to demonstrate the multiple levels of potential coolness:


Yep. Not much else to say after that other than I need a new job.

Oh wait - have you heard about the wild monkeys that were discovered sharpening sticks into spears and using them to hunt small rodents? Scientists have never before documented an animal making and then using tools. Also, it's the females, specifically, that have learned to do this - using tools to hunt at the same efficiency as the larger, stronger male primates.

I bet one o' them could run my office...and they wouldn't give me frick-a-frackin' disciplinary write-ups, neither. Bleagh!




S