UnpleasantlySexy

[Editor's note: all the pictures for this post were removed from the web (those lousy jerks), so I must apologize - I cain't get 'em back. However, if you just imagine cheap glass cups, designed to hold tea candles AND imagine a candy-infused 4-year-old Norwegian boy, I think you'll be fine.]

BLOW, LITTLE CHILD, BLOW!

Avast, ye swarthy blog readers!

The blog has been a tad barren as of late, but you'll be fine, I swear. Today, I write to you regarding an issue I discovered with my Powerbook. Those of you with laptops have possibly experienced this, but I'm going to explain it anyway. See, notebook computers, while wonderfully portable, have a tendency to get rather warm in your lap if used for an extended period of time. What I discovered about my Powerbook is that, under normal circumstances, it has the ability to superheat your crotch into solid glass.

I have a little widgety-type-thing that measures the temperatures of various parts of my computer, and it turns out that the bottom of my computer regularly heats up to about 150 degrees Fahrenheit. As you may have guessed, I first learned of my computer's special talent when I noticed my bright pink, sunburned-looking thighs upon undressing for bed.

Given that Julia and I are pretty much sold on the idea of having children one day, I decided to research possible solutions to the problem on the web. That led me to this next bit of hilarity, written by someone with much lower standards for technical maintenance than myself:

How to have
a not-so-hot
powerbook g4

Apple made for years computer with no fan inside, 'cause people have to think about the work, and not about the noise coming from the computer. After apple found that noise is not so bad if you have a g4 or g5 chip inside the computer.
I wrote this document to help people to have a not-so-hot powerbook. I wrote this in basic english, so not only europeans could understand, but americans too.

phase 1

First thing to do is to find a IKEA candle, like this:



Important: use the IKEA candle with no fire inside, or you can burn your finger!
Do not use IKEA candle like this:


...'cause it is very hot.
Anyway: toggle the candle and put it away, we do not really need the candle.



Ok, as you can see in the photo, I used a lighted candle, but I do not hurt myself, cause I was carefull handling it. You had to do the same.
Repeat the operation with another candle and at the end you have to rotate the little glass cup like in next photo:



Now you have to take your powerbook and put it on one cup. Warning: the rubber feet have to be placed in the cavity of the cup:



Make the same thing with the other side, like in this beautiful picture:



Ok, we have done it: now you have a real cheap way to disperse the heat coming from the powerbook! And look how it is cool!



Variation: somebody could need to have ALL the 4 rubber feet at the same height. I do not know if this is better for the heat, or bad. I have not 4 glass cup IKEA, so I made a simulation using my son's hands:



This solution seems to me cool as the first one!

phase 2

Ok, now we need a silent fan that sometimes blow away the hot air under the powerbook. Firts of all you need some candys:

After, you need a son, or something similar, like in picture:

As you can easily understand looking at the photo, you need to give a candy to the son sometimes, asking he to blow under the powerbook. Warning: remember to ask to the son to blow under the powerbook BEFORE eat the candy, else the little devil could dirty the computer with his sticky spit.



Blow, little child, blow!




S