UnpleasantlySexy

After watching the YouTube debates, reading several articles, and listening to a variety of radio shows covering the up-and-coming politicians that may or may not become President of the United States of America, I have come to this conclusion:

There a far too few dumb comedies in theaters today.

Whatever happened to the Weekend at Bernie's-es, or the Ferris Bueller's Day Off-s, or the Spies Like Us-es? I'll even go so far as to include, God bless 'em, the Police Academy movies.

I know, I know. I'm not saying that they're great films, mind you, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that movies like these had an influence on me when I was growin' up. I think that we, as a nation, have become far too self-aware, too self-conscious, and frankly, altogether too hoity-toity as previously-reserved-for-the-rich gourmet foods, technology, and college edu-mo-cations have become commonplace. If it isn't socially aware, politically charged, and absolutely fair to all sexes, races, classes, etc., then it just isn't acceptable now. And it certainly isn't funny.

So we end up with offal like Daddy Day Care and Going Overboard. Blurgh.

Several movies have attempted to reclaim the glory days - American Pie, Wedding Crashers, Van Wilder, and the slew of same-olds that come to mind when you bring those up, but they just don't hold a candle to the films that inspired them. Several of those have, to be fair, come close enough that they may not deserve this critique (I hear that The 40-Year-Old Virgin was...a'ight), but none of them have made me jump up from the sofa, fling the remote to the floor, and shout "Get your coat, Julia, for I MUST see this movie, NOW!"

Why is that, d'ya suppose?

Well, language and content in those movies had to be much more subdued in those days, for one. Regarding the imitator-movies I listed above, they are free to throw around expletives and nudity pretty much at will, thus killing the effect. If I may be so bold as to mention a great moment in an otherwise terrible Star Trek movie: when Data says "Sh*t!" - it was hilarious! We laughed because it (1) made sense in the moment, and (2) was NOT expected out of Data. O'Brien, maybe - everyone knows an Irishman can swear, but an android? Comedy gold.

That reserved nature is what makes the funny stuff you know, funny. With so much falling within the "acceptable" column these days, the easiest way to push the envelope is to approach obscene. Nobody goes back to watch shock-value comedies, though - it only works once. Thus, those movies are automatically doomed, at least as far as the rewatchability factor is concerned.

I suspect that another reason may be the lack of comedic star power that's out in the moviemaking ether right now. You've got Will Ferrell, Steve Carrell, and...who else? People went to see Caddyshack because of the cast involved. People went to see Mr. Mom because of Michael Keaton. People went to see Police Academy because of, God rest his career, Steve Guttenberg. It was okay to be silly back then, but if you try now, you run the risk of becoming the next Carrot-Top. Even Jim Carrey, who has the ability to pull off campy humor, just doesn't do it. It's one extreme or the other with him. And, for the record, I thought Ace Ventura, the first one, was EXCELLENT, and I'd rewatch it in an instant. I still giggle like an idiot when he does the slow-motion replay in the insane asylum. Sue me.

I realize that this argument doesn't apply in all cases, however, because Ferris Bueller came outta nowhere...but I put that one firmly in the Napoleon Dynamite category of "What The Heck Is All The Hoopla About?" instead of "Comedy Blockbuster" - mainly because it was not initially marketed as a mainstream comedy. Nobody new how to sell it at first. Still, Napoleon aside, there haven't been many left-fielders lately, either.

If there's anything that comedy moviemakers could learn from Side Out, a flirty beach-volleyball jaunt featuring C. Thomas Howell and a young and saucy Courtney Thorne Smith, it's that in the make-believe imaginary world of movies, anything goes. Our need for realism, our need for sympathetic characters, our need for grit has changed the rules, and the truly groundbreaking, truly surreal comedies that must be out there are not being made.

Speaking of Courtney Thorne Smith, she was in Summer School with Mark Harmon, another perfect example of a great comedy that would never have been green-lighted today.

Perhaps I am a bit curmudgeonly regarding this, but the last comedy that I truly laughed at until I hurt was, oddly enough, The Whole Nine Yards. Matthew Perry plus Bruce Willis equals bonafide hilarity. But I also love The Burbs, so I might be in the minority here.

There's a remake of Chevy Chase's Fletch in the works, called Fletch Won, potentially starring Zach Braff. How many dollars would you bet that there's going to be some pivotal moment, set to some as-yet-undiscovered emo song, during which Mr. Braff's mopey eyeballs get at least fifteen seconds of screen time?

No sirree. Not for me. Now, if there were an arbitrary bikini-judging contest (or, even better - a locker-room scene where all the women are topless for no reason whatsoever), during which the titular (teehee) character stumbles in by accident during a chase scene, pausing momentarily to raise his eyebrows suggestively...well, then maybe I'd give it another chance. I just don't see Zach Braff saying, "Why don't we go lay on the bed and I'll fill you in?" to a beautiful half-naked woman. Do you?

Man, comedies used to have so much class.




"What kind of a name is Poon, anyway?"

"Comanche Indian."