Happy 4th o' July weekend, evah-buddy!
I, for one, am thrilled at the prospect of NOT doing a ding-danged thing for a good, long time.
In the meantime, work is slow right now, so I thought I'd relieve some mental blockage here on Ye Olde Blogge. I'm going to discuss the concept of workplace discretion, so if you're not in the mood for a rant, go ahead and navigate to a different tube on the Interwebs now.
Let's begin.
There are two people who's offices are close enough to mine (and have loud enough speaking voices) that, even through a closed door, their conversations broadcast crystally clear to anyone within a 20-foot radius.
Subject One, I've mentioned before. He's the guy who brags, loud and proud, about murdering children (virtually) during his late-night Halo video-gaming sessions. Today, he had a visitor in his office, and he said the following:
"What're you STUPID?!? Sticky grenades are WAY better than plasma grenades, because you can set booby traps for idiots who aren't paying attention!"
Subject Two hasn't been as consistent a problem as Subject One, but when she is a problem, it's usually MUCH more annoying. Today, she had a visitor in her office -- the same woman-carrying-baby that I mentioned in a previous post (the "Wuddenit?Wuddenit?Wuddenit?Wuddenit?Wuddenit?" woman). This time, I only caught part of the conversation, but what I heard was this:
"I tried wiping it off, but it was all crusty, so I had to spit on it first, and even then it took a while to get it off his leg."
I have nothing really to say about it other than this:
"Please...for the love of All That Is Holy, shut up."
Happy 4th!
If it weren't a hugely gross violation of some professional ethic or another, I would just LOVE to record the mothers who hang around my desk between baby and toddler storytimes.
ReplyDeleteIt is a whole new world of TMI, the likes of which you have never seen.
HAHA!! I can't wait until the two of you have kids. I remember how proper and cute my best sister-in-law used to be. Then she had kids. Now it's all "TMI", all the time. I think moms reach a point where they just don't give a flying poopoo who hears what.
ReplyDeleteNow the video guy should be castrated by the virtual children he loves to explode. It should be done with his video game remote so as to last an appropriate amount of time. You have to wonder what booby traps he sets around the office. Video game freaks!!
Glad to see you are back to the amusing post Sammy.
jf
I think that being a parent makes you completely oblivious to the grossness factor and loudness factor associated with young'uns.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't really sound like those people are working. How come they haven't been laid off?
Angelica! I miss you!
ReplyDeleteAs far as those two getting laid off...that's fine and all, but I'd prefer something more exciting -- like a firing squad or a Beyond-Thunderdome-esque cage fight to the death.
Who would fight them in the cage fight? Mad Max? A werewolf? Kip from Napoleon Dynamite?
ReplyDeleteIt would preferably be a combination of the three: a heavily-armed, leather-wearing, post-apocalyptic Kip that had long ago been bitten by a lycanthropic Michael J. Fox.
ReplyDeleteAlso, he would be riding a post-apocalyptic horse with two flaming heads.
Yes, I love technology...
But not as much as my horse with two flaming heads, you see...
But I still love technology...
Always and forever...
We met in a caged room
ReplyDeleteNow our hate can really bloom
Sure, the eschaton was great
But yer head, I have to separate