Olympic Fevah!
I hadn't watched any of the Olympic games at all until yesterday, and I had convinced myself that somehow, I just didn't really care. However, after watching several absurdly-muscled swimming cyborgs actually reverse time using only the power of the backstroke, I've changed my mind. Now I can't get enough.
I watched tiny men with humongous pectorals and arms the size of Chevy Impalas straddle various gymnastic apparatuses, and I was mesmerized for hours. I watched 8-foot-tall women in unnecessarily tiny pants play beach volleyball, and I whooped and cheered after every point.
Simply pondering the superhuman abilities of these people makes me fatter. Instead, I will coach them from the sofa as though I am an expert in all sports.
The entire list of things I am able to do whilst astride a pommel horse is limited to the following:
1) fall off
2) cry
3) eat an Egg McMuffin...very carefully
The idea of me standing next to a pommel horse is funny. Nothing even has to happen.
So now I plan on TiVo-ing any and all badminton and ping-pong I can find, and you can darn well bet that I'll be hootin' and hollerin' through every second of it.
Yes, badminton. And no, not because they use something called a shuttlecock.
It's intense, man!
I haven't watched a single stinkin' minute of the Olympics yet. Instead I will ask you about The Clone Wars: did you know that Jabba has/had an uncle named Ziro?
ReplyDeletehttp://moviedearest.blogspot.com/2008/08/clone-wars-ziro-appeal.html
A letter to George Lucas:
ReplyDeleteAh, ah, ahh...Mr. Lucas. You're doing it again. When we, the fans, ask for more Star Wars, what we really want is more dogfighting space-pirates with laser-beam swords and mystical powers. What we don't want is a family tree of how our favorite characters are somehow linked to every other character throughout the apparently incestuous galaxy you created.
No, really, we don't want that.
Given the spectacularly not-good nature of Episodes I, II, and III, I'm not surprised at all that we'll be meeting Jabba's uncle Ziro.
We'll probably see his cousins Gabba Hey the Hutt and Dave, too - for no good reason whatsoever.
As an artist and musician, I totally understand the desire to improve the things you've created, but I draw stick figures. YOU'VE made a quadraplegillion dollars on a movie that's 30 years old. Let it go, man.
Frankly, I'm stunned that you're not showing us Jabba as a little kid, since that seems to be the direction you like to take. Cases in point: little Vader, little Boba, baby Leia.
But that would suck.
Oh, wait. You don't care about fuh-huh-hoo-hah-huck-ing with the things that I love from my childhood, do you, jerkholeface?
The long drawn-outness of that response to Miss Kitty was kinda creepy. I'm just saying. But I laughed my ass off at your apt description of us losers watching the Olympics.
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