UnpleasantlySexy

This page is dedicated the ever-increasing quantity of pure, uncut stupidity I encounter (and generate) on a daily basis. And there's a LOT, folks, believe you me.

For example, this afternoon I went to exchange a pair of shoes at Academy Sports. One of the shoes was a half-size smaller than the label inside said it was, and it made my foot hurt. I walked in the store and was immediately stopped by a very concerned-looking woman. She was staring at the shoebox under my arm like I was stealing something. I told her the story, she TOOK my shoebox from me and told me to go pick out another pair. Strange, but...okay...

I walked about twenty paces when I noticed a pimply sixteen-year-old Academy employee tailing me. I tried to shake him by bobbing and weaving through the clothes racks, but he knew the terrain, and had me dialed in. So I turned and faced him, just in time for him to excitedly announce, "Did you know you can get another pair that costs more and pay more, but if you get cheaper ones, we'll give you money!"

Wow. I just couldn't elevate myself to his level of pure enthusiasm. Money back?!? No foolin'? I thanked him and sped away to the back of the store. They didn't have the shoes in my size, so I grabbed another pair that I had tried on before and headed back to the front. There was a huge line, so I shopped around a bit, without incident.

When I got to the register, the woman who took my shoes at the front was my cashier, and she asked me what I had done with the shoes I was exchanging. I said, "You took them from me ten minutes ago, when I came in." She said, "Are you sure?" I said, "Um...yes." She to me to hold on, and she went to the service desk and began rummaging around under the counter. She came back with the shoes, open and out of the box. She said, "Uh...sir? You said these were different sizes, but they're not. The label says they're both size 13." She then showed me my shoes. At this point, there were 3 other people patiently waiting in line behind me.

I told her the story again, and she called another cashier over (who had 3 or 4 people in her line, too) to VERIFY that the shoes were, in fact, different sizes. The other girl said, "I don't know - I don't wear that size." I don't know what my cashier then responded, because my teeth were grinding too loudly for me to hear.

Then she rang me up and did the exchange without another word. Not even a "Have a nice day."

I didn't realize it until I left the building, but I had began to sweat profusely from my forehead. I think it was a concentrated, liquid rage seeping out of my face, but I can't be sure.

Until next time!