There are three.
Sorry 'bout the delay, folks...been a busy week/weekend, culminating in me shaving my head.
Don't ask.
But now I'm back, and the ol' blog's a-rollin' full steam.
At work today, all the employees received an email from the CEO. Seems we have a company-wide meeting scheduled in June at a country club. The problem is, it's scheduled from 2:00 to 5:00 on a FRIDAY. Yes, on a Friday.
For those of you who don't know, I NEVER work until 5 - I usually leave work around 3:30 or so, and I will never....NEVER EVER EVER stay past 4 on a Friday. That's just sick and wrong.
Alright...a mandatory meeting that will force me into overtime, which in turn will get me an automatic disciplinary write-up. FEAR NOT! There will be a company POOL PARTY afterwards!
Did he just say "pool party"? Yep. A pool party, pool party - a cool pool party - la la la la...
Upon reading this email, I was prompted to say aloud, "Can anyone think of ANY PERSON in this entire building that you would like to see in a swimsuit?"
Creepy guy stood up, came over to me and said, simply, "There are three."
Uhh...what...?
I responded, "Wow! That's three more people than I was thinking of!"
Then, creepily enough, he NAMED two of them - and they are two girls that are roughly TWENTY YEARS younger than he is. Ew!
Even worse, when I flinched at the names, he asked, "You mean you WOULDN'T like to see those two in swimsuits?"
This discussion had quickly moved from funny to creepy to highly inappropriate in a matter of seconds, and there was only one way to put an end to it.
I stood up and announced, "I have to poop."
All conversation came to a sudden, screeching halt.
Excellent.
In addition to the pool party notice, the email also told us (all the employees) to "LIVE THE BRAND" in order to bring the company's message to everyone we interact with.
If I ever "live the brand", it's gotta be something better than "FirstCare Insurance". I can't really live that convincingly. How would I go about injecting the values of the health insurance industry into my everyday life? I guess I could push some old folks down, then charge them to help 'em back up. That's pretty much what we do, anyways.
I think the fundamental problem with this job is that the big bosses all seem to believe that those of us who DON'T get six-figure annual bonuses should love the company as much as they do.
Cough up the six-figure bonuses and I will be your freakin' pep squad. Until then, don't expect me to give a backwards-flying-phooey about your "brand".
Now, if it were a brand like...Dunkin' Donuts...I could live that.
S
"I guess I could push some old folks down, then charge them to help 'em back up."
ReplyDeleteOMG, that made my tummy hurt from the laughing--it's so true! What an evil, evil industry!
To be accurate, I wouldn't ACTUALLY be helping them back to their feet - I would take their money, then tell them that there's a problem with the WAY they fell, and that I can't help 'em without a written preauthorization from their regular physician. That way, I just sit back and rake in the dough while old folks drop like flies all around me. Oh, and they're all minorities, too.
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