UnpleasantlySexy

This comment was left on my last post:

Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the TV de Plasma, I hope you enjoy. The address is http://**********.blogspot.com. A hug.

I've since deleted the comment, but I thought I might respond to it here, in the blog proper (or "blogper," if you will), because the more I look at it, the funnier it gets -- especially when read aloud in a funny accent.

1) Thanks -- Your comment is deletable, and your grammar is very terrible, Spam Comment.

2) Congratulations for what? Did I miss something?

3) In response to your smiley face, I give you my "I'm still pondering your use to me" face. See below:

:-[

4) I will add in not only my blogroll, but my california roll, too. And, if you're really nice, I'll let you see my Tootsie Roll. What?

5) In response to your smiley face, I'll give you my I-think-I've-just-been-spammed, distrusty face. See below:

:~/

6) I don't know what you mean by "If possible gives a last there on my blog," but I'm gonna go right ahead and assume it's something vaguely sexual, possibly involving vinyl clothing and your Best of Erasure CD, and frankly, I gotta knock some points off for creepin' me the hell out.

7) I appreciate that you want me to...buy? No... Watch? No... What is it you want me to do with this "TV de Plasma" thingy when I see or get or click on one? You've given me a link, but a web-savvy bloggo-sapien such as myself can clearly detect the computer-herpes bugs crawling all over it, so there's no WAY I'm followin' you into that back alley, Mr. Wanderin'-Hands.

8) I do enjoy. All the friggin' time. You have no idea, Spam Comment.

9) The address is http://unpleasantlysexy.blogspot.com, silly.

10) No, I'm not giving you a hug. I'd give you a big, fat "Hug de Plasma" if I could, but I don't have one of those. I wish someone would leave comments on my blog about where I can find one o' them.

And finally...

9) Whoever you are...you that created this little spam-bot mail-out...I hope that a 1981 Buick Riviera, filled from floorboards to dome light with week-old baby poop, falls from the clear blue sky and brutally crushes your spine -- and I hope it happens right in front of your mother, giving her just barely enough time to say "I wish I'd never purchased you from those carnies" to your face before you crap yourself and die.

I've had a long week, dammitalltaheck.