I mean, I went out and walked 18 holes of golf on Saturday, and it was about 9 zillion degrees outside, with 247-percent humidity. Due to the heat, humidity, and the fact that I was carrying my clubs, my butt muscles revolted somewhere midway through and crawled into my shoes for protection.
Today, then, it rains cats, dogs, emus, ferrets, and other small mammals -- and the temperature drops a solid 20 degrees. It's chilly outside, and I have to wipe the dogs' feet every time they go out. Stupid...earth.
Thus, I've spent all day playing with my new MacBook.
I love it, but now my butt muscles hurt from sitting on the sofa all day. Which is it, butt muscles? You can't have your cake and eat it, too. Stupid...glutes.
And now...the hilarious-est cartoon ever made:
Its not Texas, its that semi-ass of yours.
ReplyDeleteOR.....ass-hybrid
ReplyDeleteHey, man...I'm walking a golf course every week, which has just GOTTA be buildin' me some sorta actual ass back there.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard, you know, carrying the hereditary Noassatall gene, but at least I'm fighting, right?
That's more than I can say for SOME folks I know, John, that have so...erm...well, just so MUCH ass, that they have left permanent butt-dimples in the padded seats of coffee shops all over town.
And, my ass-hybrid gets WAY better mileage than your 9-passenger SUV ass, jerkface.
I agree, your ass probably does get a lot more mileage than mine.
ReplyDeleteYou should invent some type of workout machine that massages one buttcheek in a simulated workout way while the other just sits, and then alternates. Then you could just sit all the time, but FEEL like you've been exercising.
ReplyDeleteBe sure to attach one of those bungee cord things with a marker attached. Kinda like the pens on a metal string the banks use. That way you can mark the cheek that is not exercising. Otherwise you could end up with only half an ass (as you have no ass at all). I would imagine the goal is to turn you into the perfect ass. Rolf is brilliant!!
ReplyDeleteWhen I first looked at the comic I thought that Picard was riding a unicorn and impaling Spock on its horn. But that was not the case, though I'd gladly give my eyeteeth to see Patrick Stewart ride around on a unicorn, or maybe Pegasus.
ReplyDeletePatrick Stewart not only RIDES a unicorn, he can turn into one - a solid gold unicorn with a silky British accent.
ReplyDeleteI'm not bringing up butts anymore in this post.
butt sam...
ReplyDeleteIf I could turn into a unicorn like Patrick Stewart, it's coat color would be glitter pink with a shimmery lavender mane and hooves. I think that my unicorn name would be Sparkle.
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling the John Unicorn would be very similar, though maybe his would have a shimmery rainbow mane.
Best. Comment. Ever.
ReplyDeleteMiss Kitty...all I can say is "Wow."
I was trying to think about what MY unicorn would look like, and it would be a magenta-and-white-themed camouflage pattern, it would have a braided terrycloth headband, and it would be wearing big, poofy Jazzercise-type legwarmers.
Also, MY unicorn would be able to transform into a jet plane.