UnpleasantlySexy

I am here today to warn you about the perils of sci-fi fandom.

The tale below is most definitely true, though I will change the names to protect the egos of the individuals involved. We'll call them...

...Jam and Sulia.

Late in the day on Thursday, Jam gets home from work, and the first thing he does after offloading his computer bag and emptying his pockets is to release the hounds into the backyard. He ignores the cat's plaintive yowls of starvation, and then proceeds to the restroom.

Once everybody's business is finished, Jam lets the mutts back into the house and then opens his computer up to peruse any essential golf, hockey, or video game news that he may have missed over the course of the day.

Now Sulia arrives home. After several loud bellows of "NOOOOOOO!" towards the dogs as they do their best to weave all of their white doghairs into her black work clothes, she says, "Hello, darling...I'm gonna go change," and disappears upstairs. The time is now about 6pm.

Two hours pass.

Jam is still on the sofa, computer in his lap, and it dawns on him that it is now 8 o'clock, and he's getting hungry. He first feeds the animals, who are playing dead on the floor beneath the coffee table, and he then calls upstairs to Sulia, "Baby? Are you okay? I thought you were coming back down...?"

No answer.

Fearing the worst, Jam drops everything and races upstairs, calling Sulia's name.

Sulia's office is at the top of the stairs, and when Jam arrives, he sees her doubled over at her desk, either laughing or crying hysterically, to the point of being unable to make any sounds.

Out of genuine husbandly concern, Jam puts his arm around Sulia and asks, "Is everything okay?"

Sulia makes no sound, but she is actually shaking from whatever traumatic event has just occurred, and Jam's concern-o-meter maxes out...until...

Sulia points at her computer screen, and Jam sees something like this:



Author's note: More often than not, these...fanvids...are of a Battlestar Galactical nature, but I couldn't bring myself to post one of...those...videos on MY blog.

Upon seeing this...fanvid...Jam's eyes roll back into his skull, and a dark wave of sorrow envelops him.

Alas, poor Sulia is lost to him. The only thing he can do to possibly, maybe, just perchance pull her out of this hysterical state is say something like, "Wanna get Chinese?"


This cycle is doomed to repeat itself for the rest of Jam and Sulia's time on earth together, and we should pity those two poor souls -- Jam's poor soul, in particular.



Pray for them.